With the success of Birdbox(2018) our team was excited when we saw the trailer for Velvet Buzzsaw (2019). We scheduled a subject for premiere night on February 1, 2019. Could this netflix original labeled as a horror/thriller starring the quirky and loveable Jake Gyllenhaal raise the rates of our art aficionado?

Test Subject: Leah

Age : 35

Gender: Female

Fears: Enclosed Spaces

Resting HR: 60-65 bpm

Walking HR: 80-85 bpm

ANALYSIS:

Our subject’s heart rate barely raised above her resting beats per minute during the first half of the film. This slow pace did not allow for any build up of emotion. While there were a few brief scenes with a minor creep effect, there was only one fairly intense scene. This raised our subject’s heart rate to an unimpressive peak of 79bpm. The lack of tension kept her numbers low for the duration of the film.

RULE #1: If you can’t see down a hole, don’t stick your hand in it.

CONCLUSION:

Not even a bare chested Jake Gyllenhaal could raise our subjects heart rate. This film is misclassified as horror. Some viewers may enjoy the independent art house style but in our field this would be categorized as drama. The good news is you may be able to burn off the one cup of plain coffee you’ll need to stay awake.

Velvet Buzzsaw (2019): Burns 108 calories

Cup of Coffee: 1 Calorie

How many Fear Calories did you burn watching Velvet Buzzsaw? Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook